For host and producer of podcast Frankly, My Dear, Fariza Salleh, listening and sharing allow everyone to be better versions of themselves.
Frankly, My Dear is a podcast that invites women in our communities to have honest conversations with me. As the host and producer, I delve deep into sensitive, often hard-to-talk-about topics with my guests and create a safe space to explore some of these experiences without judgement.
As with most stories and projects, Frankly, My Dear started around Circuit Breaker — when Singapore was in a soft lockdown in June/July 2020. Around that time, a popular local podcast dubbed “Singapore’s No.1 podcast on Spotify” was called out for their misogynistic, problematic behaviour and content. There was a sudden spotlight on podcasts in Singapore that sparked a nationwide conversation around censorship and sexism.
How do we hold these men accountable if their listeners are the very people who are spurring them on? They are our brothers, uncles and fathers, and as a Muslim-Malay woman, I felt much more responsible for the content I consumed, even though I was not nearly the public figure they were.
I spoke to my husband about my discomfort and dismay. There clearly needed to be more female voices in the podcast scene and I was very aware that my voice as a minority is rarely heard — literally and figuratively. These men were not the best representations of us. Instead of hoping for better content, why not just make better content myself?
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I did not have one single role model to learn from, but I have always loved watching women like Oprah Winfrey and Christiane Amanpour conduct themselves in interviews — poised, curious, sharp and kind. They push where necessary, are confident to call out any malarkey, and allow their guests to speak their truth.
I love the idea that the podcast is a simple medium with a very low barrier to entry. All one needs is a working mic, internet connection and a laptop to start with. It is a stripped down form of communication and entertainment. You do not even need to be completely invested in an episode to enjoy takeaways as a listener. People often say they listen to the show when they are going for a run or catching up on housework. There are also fewer distractions — it is just me, my guest and our voices.
Every conversation I have had with my guest has added richness to my life in one way or another because I would have never had an opportunity to have these conversations with them in another setting. How do you talk about rape, sexual assault as a child, surviving cancer or going to therapy with a complete stranger? I am in awe of all of my guests because I understand the courage it must take to come forward and tell their story.
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There is a quiet strength in every woman I have met. At a time when image is everything, and being loud, garish and provocative gets loads of attention, we often do not show the messy, difficult and heartbreaking side of our lives. These women persevered anyway, in their quiet ways.
The female experience affects everyone. Issues like mental health, poverty and safe sex are men’s issues too. I often get male listeners messaging me to tell me how the podcast has inspired them to be better role models to their young daughters. I am really happy to know that the men in our generation are stepping up, but you do not have to be a father or a brother to be a feminist.
It starts from your own relationships. Do you view the women in your family as equals? Do you listen to them and respect their views, even if they are different from yours? Do you acknowledge your male privilege? Prepare to feel uncomfortable and know that it is not about you. Some degree of humility always helps, alongside an openness to unlearn and relearn from your female peers.
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My husband has been my partner through and through — in marriage and creative projects like this podcast. He is never too proud to say that this is something I own whereas he is a silent partner in this. Khairil was the one who said I had the voice for podcasting. He jokes that his life has been made better by listening to me, so others should too.
I want people to realise it is okay to talk about the difficult stuff because that is exactly why they need to be discussed. I want to normalise tough conversations and trust me, I am not the only one pushing for these conversations in the podcast space. There is a growing number of women who share my goal and I am absolutely happy to be doing my part.
There are always opportunities to be better. We are all accustomed to our own intrinsic biases and prejudices, so it takes a great degree of self-awareness to realise, “Hey, I’m not being the best version of myself right now”. I am always for women supporting other women but that should not be a default expectation. You have to do your part to earn your allies.
This story about Fariza’s honest conversations in her podcast, Frankly, My Dear first appeared in our June/July 2021 issue.
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