I am not sure what it means to be a minority as it is not something I chose. I just happen to be brown and queer. However, being part of an ethnic and sexual minority group in Singapore means that one has to constantly face and come to terms with inequality. The personal is inherently political — simply existing unapologetically itself is political.
Growing up, I was constantly subjected to racism which made me question my worth. I had so much internalised racism that I would only befriend Chinese folks to fit in. I would change the way I spoke and behaved just so my “Indian-ness” did not stick out like a sore thumb. I was made to think and feel that my differences were not valid which affected the way I navigated the world.
This caused me considerable social anxiety and it came to a place where it was hard to be in places where I was the only brown person.
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My romantic life was also affected. I began thinking that dating white men would lend me acceptance, believing that my proximity to “whiteness” would allow me to feel better about myself. If I could jump a couple of rungs on the social hierarchy ladder, it seemed well worth it.
Thankfully, through a period of reflection and introspection, I’ve been able to move onwards.
The racism present on dating apps is of the most vile and vicious kind. For example, a couple of people have asked me, “Do you smell like an Indian?” or said, “You’re not like the other type of Indians”. This is outright racist and rude. The worst are people who go “no Indians, no Banglas, not racist, just a preference”.
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I have seen this phrase on so many accounts and a lot of people do not understand that racism and personal preferences are not mutually exclusive.
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Personal choice is not shielded from the politics of discrimination; many discriminatory behaviours stem from personal preference. When someone has a racial preference, they are assuming that all people of a certain race are a certain negative way — which is not true.
I used to call people out in anger as I did not want other young brown queer men to experience the same things that I did, but I have since decided to choose my battles wisely. What is the point of talking to someone who refuses to listen? There comes a point when every minority person has to decide if a fight is worth his, her or their time.
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Finding solidarity and consciously surrounding myself with brown people has definitely helped me cope with racism and my anger. Sometimes, all you need are people who are willing to listen without questioning or gaslighting you.
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When we first began Minority Voices, I reached out to friends and mutual acquaintances. Once the account started gaining traction, our followers started writing in to us, and the level of support has been quite incredible. I think the common thread that runs amongst our communities would have to be the fact that everyone has gone through some form of discrimination.
The Instagram page has organically become a safe space for people to share their experiences with racism which I am extremely grateful for.
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I am not comfortable sharing or speaking about someone else’s pain or experience. I do not wish to glorify it. All stories can be found on our Instagram page or on our website at minorityvoices.net for everyone to read.
My hope for Singapore would be that it becomes more inclusive, equal and equitable. It is great that race relations is a topic that has been spoken about a lot. However, there needs to be more done for us to be able to hold important and difficult conversations so that we can move forward as a nation. All of us are involved in the fight as we want to see Singapore be the best version of herself. Not the version where only the majority race, upper class, able-bodied, sexual majority, etc. are benefitting from.
This story first appeared in the February 2021 issue of Men’s Folio Singapore.
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